Prolific writing used to come so quickly when it was just me and the swift seas of undergraduate nomadic studies, living life to its fullest. Bright rays of quantum blades, bursting forth the coolness against hot skin. How else is one supposed to experience existence? Condom-mints only get you so far in life when you fall for someone you call “hotdog guy.” No lie.
The whole thing caught me off guard.
If I start the disclosure train of all the juicy details, you’ll slip right off your face. Ker-splat across that lawn. None of it that important or worth it. What IS necessary to keep in mind is that once upon a time, there was very little fear here. More like the anticipation from curiosity. The first time in a lab with colorful liquids and a natural penchant for concoctions. No Fool is frowning.
I tell you where it all went wrong – It all took a sharp turn when that wild and reckless flame that beats so fervently in my chest quit. Dead halt. Gave up thinking true love existed. Just sat back and observed it elsewhere. It wasn’t meant for me.
It was never mine to begin with.
The thing is, when you find love in an attachment bond outside the sacred unity upheld in cultural ceremony, all sacred aspects are lost to devilish manipulation. Look in the mirror and see someone has painted you as a pawn while you were sleeping. When your back turned, they shifted the other pieces to make it look like they won.
The pronouns keep changing. The identities keep blending. The messages somehow are all inter-relating. All I know is when you contain the answers, few make the trek to to the peak. Any stone thrown up a mountain will surely come tumbling downward. Remember that part about not pissing into the wind? Just think of what happens when you look up to the stone in the sky.
There’s more fear here than ever before. Not that subliminal pain that transfers out; it’s the fear of knowing you’ve already jumped out of the plane. Adrenaline overrides the system. Writer’s high kicks in. What happens if you stop before the finish line? Not an answer I want to find.
I can see the end in sight. The size is misleading. So far, it fits in the palm of your hand.
When you grow up, permission slips are still granted. Only this time the teachers are unexpected characters in life. Maybe it’s a tree or a bent toe. It’s likely some expense paid to a third party while a fourth is granted the benefits to your doubt. What more can you do?
You’ll see just how far down the deep dive I go. If you come with my flow, anyway. It was after resurfacing that I realized the serum was a breath of fresh air. Naturally, beyond line where sky meets sea is a scattered realm of one-m(x)n-islands. Where political correctness and creative liberties establish such a poetic institution.
You do realize this right? That you’ve just encountered learning? This form of awakening depends on your imagining. So… imagine if you will a scenario where the stars align just so, birds fly overhead and the senses begin engagement with the outside world. Preparation with etiquette. How considerate?
I don’t even care anymore, I’ve lost it all so much I even know now what it’s like to lose myself. Never give up, and never give in. Never settle for less is something I wish would have been engrained with much sooner. Self-worth comes at the expense of life. No matter which seat I take now, I’ll witness the suckle of life from right here.
Have you ever watched someone fall from a burning tower? How about forging new love from cold steel blades plunged into your back? Post-grad life flew by like light. It was a point of identity-no return. The rites of passage begin to narrow as you go through more and more.
More Soon,
Love -K.
Salty 